Tuesday, March 22, 2011

May 24th, 2454


Dr. Twinn is a cock sucker. I want to shoot myself. Only once in my life have I recieved news of this magnitude. And I've had a loooonnggggggggg fucking life. Of course it was the time I found out about Domenica and my first cancer.

Today, Dr. Twinn told me I might lose all my memories. All of them. Possibly. Because he cut across a piece of my brain tissue he wasn't supposed to. Dr. Frank would have known. He would have done it right. But Dr. Twinn fucked this up so bad.

I might lose Liam. I might lose Domenica. Their faces and the memory of them might exist only within these journals if my brain tissue can't grow back on its own. Because, since Twinn didn't cut the right place, the tissue needs to be regrown within my head. Or else it can't be regrown. Which means all of my memories may not be able to be synced into my brain. The chip their going to insert can, at this point, only digitize and database my memories for a computer to understand. The files can be saved on a computer. But my brain is, basically, the main storage facility or something. So the computer can only process what I know already. I need to know the shit, still.

So basically if my tissue isn't exactly correct, in every fucking cell, then poof! There goes Liam. All that will be left of the man I love will be that haze that lingers when a puff of smoke disperses. I cannot and will not lose Liam to a puff of smoke. And Domenica? She's a part of me. Literally. She was me. She grew from me. How in the hell can I lose her? Thats not even a thought. I can't do this, Eros. I can't live without them. They are me. Just as much as you are me. Help me, Eros.


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