I should be feeling alot more awful than I do. We had our very first fight last night. Numero Uno. I thought I'd feel alot worse about it. But the fact that we got through it without a shout, a curse, or someone feeling hurt makes me feel like this thing I have is the most special thing in the world. Our ability to communicate is remarkable. The fact that now it's afterwords and neither of us feels the slightest bit perturbed is even more remarkable.
It was my fault, Eros. I'm a dumb idiot. I'm the most obliviously blonde woman I've ever known. I just don't seem to get things, sometimes. We were in the bar. I'd been off to the side of the bar in a booth talking with my cousin Ryan who came into town for the weekend. Liam met us after work and approached us with a smile. We did some brief introductions before Liam left and made his way into the mass of people dancing around the bar. I didn't follow him. I lost Liam in the crowd for about an hour, losing myself as well in a catch-up conversation about my crazy family with Ryan. The two of us laughed alot, drank alot, and enjoyed our small reunion to the best of our ability. I assumed Liam was giving us family time and himself socializing. I didn't feel uncomfortable about the distance in the bar, figuring it didn't really matter if we were doing our own seperate thing. I was mildly curious why I didn't see his face for something over an hour, but I wasn't nervous or bothered by it. When he resurfaced, his face popping out in the thinning crowd, I noticed he was sitting at the bar alone. And I didn't go sit with him, assuming he was still doing his own thing. About twenty minutes later Ryan began to say his goodbyes and I was a little bit sad he hadn't had the opportunity to get to know Liam. I dragged him to the bar, hoping Liam would at least attempt to converse with him for a minute or so. But instead he said "It was nice to meet ya, man. See you around" and he got up and walked away. This irritated me and Ryan together and I failed to explain that this wasn't Liam's normal character. When I went back inside, Liam was gone.
I searched for him for closer to an hour. I walked around outside the bar. I checked the surrounding blocks. I called him. I checked the bathrooms, even. Then I went home. Sitting on my doorstep, apparently having skateboarded to my house, was Liam. He was angry at me because he had asked me if Ryan and I wanted to talk. Neither Ryan or myself realized he'd asked the question meaning did we want to talk with Liam, at the bar, and neither of us realized he expected our company and expected we pursue him through the crowd. And so we just sat and continued what we'd been doing. Talking. Liam thought we were ignoring him. That I was unwanting of him and his company. That I'd purposefully wanted him to go away. He was nervous because he thought I was ashamed in front of my family. He thought I cared whether Ryan would approve.
I feel happy this happened. I had the chance to assure him of me. Of how PROUD I am of him. Of my intentions. My dispositions. Ultimately, I had the chance to assure myself that we can calmly handle whatever misunderstanding may come our way. So I don't feel awful. I feel thrilled. I'm so fucking lucky. We didn't shout. No curses. No hard feelings afterwards. The only thing that was left when the dust from this little skirmish settled was two people looking at one another with alot of love in their eyes. Recognizing luck. And joy. And a reason to make doubly sure that nothing can ever come between us. A reason to follow a person to the ends of the Earth.