Wednesday, March 23, 2011

October 3rd, 2070


Dr. Samsel told me that my new heart is beating slightly irregularly, but that in time, with exercise, it will pace itself. I suppose it's only fitting, that my new heart beats off key. Liam can't remember me and no amount of money can bring him back from this. My heart, the dead one, used to beat in tune with his. We were a single melody strumming forever long within the acoustic chambers of our breasts, where our hearts pumped life to the rest of us. Me and Liam. A single beating cell. But he can't remember me, and he's gonna die soon. And my heart is charred into ashes. So this new one beats of key. Makes sense.

You'd figure they'd have cured alzheimers by now, wouldn't you Eros? What the fuck, technology? Get your head in the game.

Of course I'm miserable. Everything I love is dead. My heart is gone. Literally. Its cremated. Sitting right next to my old tits in a tiny vial. Bits of collected, burned up pieces of me. One day I'll see myself dead, in vials.

Of course I'm depressed, Eros. I can't shake this. My life, that one I lived already, is over. I'm starting a new one now. Who knows what will happen. My life with Domenica and Liam and Bali, that happiness has been spent. I lived it. I probably deserve the depression, you know, because of all the shit I've pulled. Especially since Domenica. And you know me, Eros. As soon as I don't have Liam to live for anymore, I'm gonna do it all over again. Rampage. The classier version of a rampage. Trouble, trouble, trouble. I feel it brewing. Each irregular beat of this new heart is one more notch on the belt of trouble I feel myself about to cause. Sorry, Dr. S. No, theres no pacing myself.


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